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TIM CURRAN
THE MID-COUNTY MEMO
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| Marilyn and Garry Goodwin celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary last month. Mid-county Memo photoS/Tim Curran |
What is the secret to being married sixty years; is there a secret?
Besides the obvious answers: love and respect each other; trust each other; share common interests and activities; learn how to communicate and compromise; avoid boredom; stay attracted to each other; never give up on each other; have a sense of humor; and smile. Yes, smile. In a study published online by the journal Motivation and Emotion, researchers analyzed photos from hundreds of people taken in childhood or young adulthood and found the less intensely subjects smiled, the more likely they would be divorced later in life, while the biggest smilers had lower divorce rates. Scientists do not know what accounts for the link, but say a smile may indicate higher levels of positive emotions and signal other traits.
When asked what their secret to a long-lasting marriage is, both Goodwins smile the way people do when asked the same question countless times before, but it's one they enjoy answering and so few people are ever asked it.
A union lead carpenter his whole career - later becoming a union official retiring in 1993 - Garry gives the same answer every time: “Learn how to argue. Don't get personal; don't remind me of what I did in the past; and never bring up divorce when you're arguing.”
Garry learned his answer when he was in the Air Force in England on a four-year hitch six months into his marriage with a baby on the way when he learned his secret to staying married, “We couldn't afford to send her home to mamma, so we had to learn how to get along.”
Marilyn, who raised their four children - three daughters and a son - has a different answer. “When a husband gets up early in the morning before his wife, he always says, 'I'm sorry,' that lasts for the whole day. Whatever he does that day, if he says I'm sorry in the morning, that way he doesn't need to go through the whole day saying sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry sorry, sorry …”
They met in high school. Born and raised in Alameda, Calif., it was Garry's younger sister, Marilyn's best friend in high school, who introduced the two.
In 1966, with Garry out of work after a fire damaged the dam he was working on in California, Marilyn called Garry's father, who was working in Portland at the time, and said, “You have to find him a job, I'm tired of him being around the house.” He did. That year, Garry came to Portland and, like England, Marilyn followed him a few months later with their growing family.
The Goodwins have seven granddaughters and eight great-grandchildren.
Garry plays golf at Glendoveer at least once a week, Marilyn loves to read and do crosswords. They travel frequently to San Francisco Bay Area and Palm Springs - where they lived for five years after Garry retired before moving back to Portland - and the couple enjoy going out to lunch and dinner at area restaurants.
“We've had a great life,” said Garry. “It isn't over yet. We've had our ups and downs, but mostly ups,” he said … with a big smile.
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